I was introduced to Red maybe 4-5 years ago, and although they had 3 albums released at that time, I am still listening to End of Silence album until this very moment. I never moved on to the next two albums. Actually, they are four now! So that leaves me with three unlistened-to albums.
Are you wondering why? I do, too! However, whenever I give it a thought, a couple of reasons come to my mind.
The first one is because I really love End of Silence that I am refusing to move on! I mean, do you even blame me?! That album is freaking good and hit me to the core. I love it even more when I’m extremely frustrated with anything, or everything. It helps me expressing my deepest feelings. That album just sums up everything I would want to say.
The second reason is that I might be afraid to love the next album so much that it distracts me from listening to the first one. I know what you are thinking now. Nonsense! But it is true. I still refuse to give up on the first one.
Another reason just occurred to me and it is that I might be afraid that the next album is not as good as the first one. If this comes to be true, I would be deeply disappointed. I think it might take me another 4 years to compose myself and listen to the next one, because I am seriously thinking of giving it a shot and listen to Innocence and Instinct.
Anyways, wish me luck and respond with reviews if you already listened to it. Or don’t! I do not want your opinions to influence mine 🙂
I go to places already knowing that I am going to see things that will not please me, yet I go.
It might be that this heartbreak is my only comfort, my only consolation, the only fine line between the good past and beautiful memories and the heart-wrenching present.
As much as I ache, I feel comforted. As much as I feel dead, I feel alive, but broken.
Or maybe I go because I want to cling to the past. That I don’t wanna forget anything. That the only way to keep me from forgetting, attached to the past and to the flow of memories is when I see the ‘things’ that increase my agony.
It is not that I am not able to forget, it’s just that I don’t want to.
If you ever loved someone, meet them in one place, go out with them in one place, do whatever you want to do together in one place only and never change it. Why? Because when you lose them, you don’t want to remember them every place you go. You don’t want to see their shadow following you wherever you lay your sight. You don’t want to smell their scent wherever you go. You don’t want to remember the sounds of your conversations echo in every empty street.
Have your love born in one place, buried in the same place.
I was reading ‘What She Left’ when the idea of this post crossed my mind. A novel that tells the life story of Alice Salmon, a girl who was mysteriously found dead in a river in Southampton. I was on page 152, a dialogue between a reporter and Megan Parker -Alice’s best friend- when I decided to write this post because of something Megan has said. It was memories of them when they were small. Subsequently, that brought to my mind memories of me and friends when were small.
I stopped for a moment to think of the way we make friendships now and how it’s different than that of the past, when I was small. Then, I remembered how I met a one close friend of mine. I remembered meeting him in a mosque when I was in my 9th grade. One guy introduced him to me, and I don’t know, I felt that we’re going to be friends instantly. Ironically, that happened.
We started to meet daily and have long conversations. Talk about our lives and things around. Ask each other questions about certain matters and so on. I used to walk him home and he does the same. We used to spend most of our days together, just hanging around. Mostly, at his place on the roof. Yeah, I remember the roof! It witnessed many gatherings and barbecues with his friends who he introduced to me, and became close friends right away.
We were a big group of very close friends. To be honest, kids were very jealous of us because we were very happy together , hanging around all day long, and sometimes all night long. The sleepovers and the desperate trials to learn chess. The biscuits and the tea which I used to drink, my share and theirs. They used to find it hilarious, me drinking six cup of hot tea, because they can’t drink very hot beverages. Yeah, I remember we were once taking a private science class, because you know, we were a pact and we used to screw up in school as pact.However, we were at my friend’s taking the lesson. His mum brought us and the tutor some tea. I drank mine instantly, waiting them to drink theirs, but no one does! And I was like, I’m going to drink the damn tea instead of it getting cold and tasteless. And I drank the five other cups. They all saw me drinking it, except the tutor, and suddenly all of my friends burst into huge laughter leaving the tutor traumatized! He didn’t know what was happening and they couldn’t stop laughing, and I was stunned thinking of how much I’m screwed. Well, luckily the tutor didn’t ask about the reason of their action, except that he got really angry, announcing that he has never faced a situation like this one. And he sincerely hopes that it doesn’t happen again. Otherwise, he will not show up again. We were all silent, but inwardly, we were all suppressing our laughter.
I remember when we once wanted to pray, and I went to make Wudu. The best part that my friend’s father saw them and joined. And I came out of the bathroom in a hurry wanting to join them,too, but the ground was slippery and my feet were wet. So, use your imagination! Yes, I slid on my back and they all burst into laughter. Oh yeah, you know how best friends are! They laugh at your pain.
I also remember when took a cab home after spending the day on the seashore. The six of us piled up in one cab. I used to always make jokes in such situations and say “hands in your pockets assholes, lol.” Anyways, after we arrived, and after a long ride of jokes and goofing around with the cab driver, he turned his and told us: “What a nice group you guys make! I used to have one like the one you have now. Stay together always and never let this friendship slip out of your hands. Believe me, when you grow up, you will need it. You will know that this friendship is all what matters in life. It’s something precious and you should hold on to it, because it will get you through tough times.” We were stunned, because I felt that he said it sadly for something he only knows, but in the same time, he was happy for us. We responded we will, don’t worry, we will. But we didn’t.
I tried so many times to get that group together, the way we used to be once. At least to meet once a week! Now, I’m not exaggerating when I say months pass before we meet. And most of them coincidentally. I gave up trying to make it work by myself. Finally, I had to accept the current situation, and that things change. Life is different that we are older now. But some times I feel nostalgic to when we were small.
It’s hard now to make friendships the way you used to when you were small. The your-turn-to-walk-me-home and mine. The hang outs and all what I mentioned up there and a lot more. Now, it’s different. I guess all of you can relate. So, I’m not going to talk about how suck it is, because it makes me feel nauseated.
I guess we all agree that getting older sucks too.